Psst… hey, Britain! You know where you went wrong? Christianity! See, you never quite gave up on ye olde pagan fertility symbols now did you? I saw “The Wicker Man”, don’t deny it! What with your maypoles, your comedians in gender-bending drag, your all-boys schools and their emphasis on same-sex caning and wrestling. Yeah, my puritanical, neo-Calvinist, American upbringing (killing, not kissing!) didn’t quite prepare me for this. Then again, I think little could have prepared me for this.

“Threads” is the British version of “The Day After”, a nuclear holocaust film designed for the sole purpose of reducing children into gibbering piles of fear and disgust. It far surpasses TDA in horror, and as an adult I could only get through the first few minutes after the bombs drop before I had to turn it off and sleep with the light on. This is a link to the entire film on Google video. Seriously, this movie is excellent, but very graphic and epically disturbing.

And now for something completely different…

In researching for this site, I have learned one crucial thing: the British know how to scare the bejeezus out of kids. I never saw this as a child and I have no idea what it is, but it is definitely Scar-worthy.

I always hated Little Audrey. She was an annoying little meddling bitch. Ugh, and that super special fake laugh she ended her cartoons with… nails on a chalkboard. happily, in this episode she undergoes a withdrawl scene that can only be compared to the scene in Trainspotting with dead baby crawling on the ceiling. Oh, and the racist “mammy” is the cherry on this swill pudding. Yes yes, I know, it was in context for the era. Doesn’t mean I have to LIKE it.

I had completely forgotten this cartoon.. or blocked it out of my mind, your choice. The problems with this hunk of smoking evil are numerous:

1. It’s completely racist… sort of? ChewChew is a cannibalistic pygmy, and while he isn’t the usual “african” stereotype of the era (and to be fair, it is never specified that he is from Africa- he’s from “Pygmania”) he is treated like a child or pet or your mildly retarded Republican uncle, not to he’s mention a complete slave to his base, animalistic nature.
2. WTF!!! It’s monster from hell who eats people!
3. Holy crap! The ending! Curbside surgery? And that guys face!!! YIKES!!!

It really must be seen to be believed.

But the cat came back the very next day,
The cat came back, we thought he was a goner
But the cat came back; it just couldn’t stay away.

This sick little ditty was sung in playgrounds and music classes ’round the world. It’s about the attempts of a man to brutally murder a house pet, who is apparently a zombie or T-1000 cyborg. Not sure who to root for in this story.

Bless the Canadians. They made a cartoon out of this fluffy little snuff tale.

I can’t say that “The Point” scarred me for life per se, but it has been one of those movies that has haunted me for years. Did I really see that? Did I dream it? What was it? Thank the gods for teh interwebs!! Now I know that the weird movie about the boy in the pointy hat was 1971s “The Point”, written and scored by Harry Nilsson and narrated by Ringo Starr. And yes, that is Mike Lookinland (Bobby Brady) as Oblio.

links to the rest after the cut… Read more…

Sorry for the late notice, but SciFi Channel is running a Land of the Lost marathon all day today!! Get your Sleestak on!!!

It’s like Laugh-In for kids! But without the humor! And it stars Dracula as a geriatric, flaming gay hairdresser!

But seriously, this show kind of depressed me as a kid. And that Ratso kid reminded me of Danny Glick. *shudder*

Wow. This is like a serial killer’s love anthem. A man loves a monstrous thumb with hydroencephaly he has built from spare body parts, and then slowly dismembers it when it doesn’t love him back. Oh, and the hallucinatory ending ups the EW factor considerably.