Category Archives: Personal Journal

Personal Journal: Lost and Found

Ben and Elliott on Rosenthaler Platz, Berlin. Photo by Scarlett Messenger
Ben and Elliott on Rosenthaler Platz, Berlin. Photo by Scarlett Messenger

Finally found Ben. He came over last night and took us for a beer up the street. We sat outside and enjoyed the spring evening and watched the people go by. As much as I am loath to admit it right now with all the trauma, we are all equally thrilled to be here, so it was nice to share our enthusiasm with someone. He looked at our washing machine and agreed it is probably broken. The landlord’s wife is coming this morning to meet the internet installer, so I will try and talk to her about it. They either need to fix it or replace it.

Ok, so they installed the internet… and it doesn’t work. It’s supposed to magically come on at some point today, but we don’t know when- or if.

Things I Have Learned About Germany in the Last Week:
1. Germany is efficient – NOT. Nothing works so far, and the bureaucracy is crippling. Technology is proving to be a huge hurdle for us.
2. Public transportation is great – YES. I love the U-Bahn. It goes everywhere. The trains go EVERYWHERE. All day, and in most places in Berlin all night. Zou are never more than a few meters away from a train, bus, tram, or other public transport.
3. Everyone speaks English – NO. They actually don’t. Many of them do. Younger people more than others. Don’t count on it in every situation. They don’t mind if you don’t speak German, but it is nice if you can try. You will manage.
4. Germans are rude/cold/unfriendly – Nah. They are actually very nice and sweet. They just don’t fake it. Don’t mistake directness for rudeness. Don’t think that someone calling you out on breaking the rules is them being mean. They are being helpful. There is actually a rare and personable warmth and kindness underneath all that.
5. Germans don’t jaywalk – Very rarely, and usually just the tourists and transplants. Don’t do it. Follow Ampelmann.
6. Germans are Nazis/racists – Don’t be a dick. That’s utter crap and they are sick of hearing about it. Unlike Americans who refuse to accept responsibility for slavery and the Native American genocide, they have come to terms with the sins of the past and are working to become a better people because of it. Yes, there are racists here, just like anywhere. But they certainly aren’t representative.
7. The fall of the wall was an awesome thing for everyone – Not really. Many East Germans felt that their culture and heritage was completely stripped from them after Reunification. They were a separate nation for over a generation. They had their own identity and traditions. This can be a sore point for some people. Keep your opinions on the matter to yourself.
8. Germans all wear The Scarf – Yes. Yes they do. There is definitely a Berlin Uniform: tight pants, sweater, scarf, hipster glasses. The Scarf thing isn’t just fashion. It’s freakin’ cold here.
9. Germans are all blonde/tall/thin – No, not by a long shot. In Berlin, people are diverse and varied. I will say most people seem pretty short. I am just under 5’6” and I feel like Gigantor much of the time. People are mostly on the thinner side, but walking is a big part of German culture, and Berlin is all about walking. There is certainly the usual big city Skinny & Tight Black Clothing aesthetic.
10. Germans are loud/ German is a harsh language – Yeah, in movies. Germans are actually really quiet by American standards. Not a lot of yelling or shouting on the street and they appreciate quiet mornings and Sundays. Berlin is a big city and things can be boisterous, but it isn’t obnoxious. And yes, German is “harsh”, but it is actually very lovely when spoken by someone who isn’t pretending to be Sgt. Schultz.

Personal Journal: Ladybug, Ladybug

Ladybug on the Holocaust Memorial, Berlin. Photo by Scarlett Messenger
Ladybug on the Holocaust Memorial, Berlin. Photo by Scarlett Messenger

As I mentioned, we went to the Holocaust Memorial I appreciate that they call it a memorial to the murdered Jewish people of Europe. The choice of the word murdered feels deliberate. These weren’t just the victims of war, they were murdered. Six million people. Men, women, children. The memorial is very disorienting. It’s hundreds of large stone slabs the shape of coffins, all different heights and angels. You walk between them and they start out small and grow until they tower over you. You can’t see anyone . I realized at one point I had lost Elliott, and while I could get back to where we started I didn’t know how to find him. Without a phone I could realistically lose him. Then the light bulb went on. That was the intended effect. While in the memorial you feel lost, isolated, surrounded by death. It’s actually very subtle, and that makes it more chilling. What really killed me was when I came upon a ladybug on one of the stones. She was the lone speck of color, a bright drop of red in a sea of gray. I instantly recalled the nursery rhyme“ Ladybug ladybug, fly away home. Your house is on fire, your children are alone…

I had to leave after that.

Ladybug on the Holocaust Memorial Drawing. Photo by Scarlett Messenger
Ladybug on the Holocaust Memorial Drawing. Photo by Scarlett Messenger

I am beginning to enjoy waking up with the city. The S-Bahn makes this huge rumbling sound as it goes through Rosenthaler Platz. Because we are so far north (Berlin is at about the same latitude as Calgary) the sun starts to rise around 4am, but it takes a long time before it is actually light. I woke up famished this morning because I had neglected to eat dinner after downing a massive dönar kebap for lunch, so I cobbled together a breakfast of fried potatoes and pork out of what we had in the mini fridge. I am learning that with butter, garlic, and soy sauce you can make anything taste good.

I tried my hand at drawing some of the things I saw yesterday at the Tiergarten. I am actually pleased with how they turned out. They aren’t great works of art by any stretch, but I managed to express myself decently. I took some video, made some notes, etc. I won’t be able to ID most things until I get my phone up and working, but I did find a hazelnut tree, birch trees, and I think I heard some hoopoes. There are these really pretty blue flowers everywhere, I need to find out what those are. Germans seem to love the outdoors. The parks are always full every time we come across them, and there are parks EVERYWHERE. Seriously, every few blocks there is at least a small park. I find it interesting that the parks near our house seem to be pretty clean, but the ones near the tourist centers are full of garbage. Although most of Berlin shows the constant wear and tear of being Europe’s non-stop Mardi Gras (to Ibiza’s 24/7 Spring Break) Germans actually seem to care about their city. The pervasiveness of graffiti isn’t the sign of neglect that we consider it in the States. We see graffiti, we think vandalism, but Germans seem to view it as expression. This isn’t really a clean city, it’s filled with broken bottles, vomit, condoms, and strangely enough confetti. However I have yet to see the human excrement that was a pervasive part of the Los Angeles landscape. I will also say that in spite of the fact that people can legally walk down the street drinking beer, I have seen very little public drunkenness.

This has been kind of a dreadful day. We gave up on Lycamobile and went down the street to get our sim cards at an O2 store. Now we have some data, but the actual phones don’t work and the connection is slow as fuck. I am convinced the washing machine is actually just broken, which leaves us in a world of shit. Laundromats aren’t a thing here, and none of our sinks is big enough to wash our clothes in. After banging on the thing for an hour I just sank to the floor and sobbed in the hall in despair. Nothing has worked right since we got here, and no matter how positive I have tried to be it’s just getting shittier. I’ve tried laughing at our misfortune, but the fact of the matter is I am horribly depressed and really really just want to go home. We are supposed to get internet tomorrow, but I guarantee something will go wrong and we will end up stuck without internet for an extended period of time, effectively ruining my chance to do my schoolwork. At the end of this trip I will have spent our life savings and will have nothing to show for it but debt and bad memories. Perhaps this all sounds petty, but I spent my husband’s and my entire life savings on this, I have work to do, and people are counting on me. Traveling when you have Multiple Sclerosis is hard and takes a lot of extra work and consideration. I already had my time pretty tightly budgeted, now I am behind. There is a lot of fear and stress to traveling while disabled, and I really don’t need anything adding to it.