Category Archives: Journal

Berlin, Personal Journal

Summary of Week 8: May 15th – May 21st

This week was very frustrating. The power supply for my computer died and I was without a computer for the better part of the week. It was a national holiday on Monday, which added to my frustration. However I actually started to meet people in the city, and there were several events that were absolutely incredible, including seeing the DSOB “symphonic flash mob” at the Mall of Berlin and seeing my teenage idol and native Berliner, Nina Hagen, at Bertolt Brecht’s theater, Der Berliner Ensemble.

6am
Whit Monday (national holiday)
Berlin
Power supply finally dies on laptop just as I am starting to work on my final papers for school.
And a choir of angels sings FUCK MY LIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE!!!!!

No more……

So I’m in a wooded area of the Tiergarten, separated from Elliott. I come across this weird older guy with grey hair swinging from a branch and staring at me. As I walk past, he starts hissing at me. All I could think is that the Big Bad Wolf has gotten really creepy these days.

Before coming on this trip, I developed an unrelated obsession with Verdi’s “Va, Pensiero”. I had it on perpetual loop once we got here, and then.later learned that it had been adopted as a sort of anthem in East Germany about how they yearned to be reunites with their homeland. Today we were near the Mall of Berlin and they were having a “symphonic mob”… and the second they started playing I recognized it. I almost cried. Literally one of the most unreal and beautiful moments of my entire life. (Sorry it’s shaky, I can’t fix it until my computer is working again)

DSOB Symphonic Mob – Verdi’s ‘Va, pensiero’

Tomorrow I have the unenviable task of trying to locate a replacement AC cable for my Dell laptop. Which is proprietary. In German. I don’t know how to ask for what I need, so I told my husband I should just walk in, slap the old one down on the counter and say “ich brauche ein neue Kraftstein!” which roughly means “I need a new Energy Stone!” Because I am a wizard, apparently.

Article: Fairytales much older than previously thought, say researchers

So, I’ve been to Neukölln now
It’s nothing like the Bowie song.
But it is a place that after miles of walking may have given me a new Energy Stone for my computer.
Also, walked all over the cemetery looking for Ulrike Meinhof’s grave, but couldn’t find it. Sad.

So, Elliott and I have finally started to meet a few people. None of whom are German. I met a really sweet guy… from VANCOUVER BC. I guess I traveled all this way to meet someone who shopped at my Costco? Today, I met a journalist from Tel Aviv who is working as a tour guide here. He said the best thing anyone has ever said to me in my life. First he told me a hilarious story about how he was trying to go into a synagogue, which are all guarded by German police (all Jewish institutions and businesses in Germany are guarded under federal law by German police free of charge 24/7. Because… reasons.) The police stopped him to make sure he was allowed to go in (attendance is limited on certain holidays for safety). He tried speaking Hebrew to the cop so he would know he belonged there, but the guy wanted ID. So he pulled out his journalist badge, which he said has a picture of him superimposed on a HUGE star of David. He said the cop kind of blushed and let him in. I was rolling. He LITERALLY got to play the race card! HAHA! This lead to a discussion about racism, and I said I felt like there is almost no hope for humanity. He said, “The fact that you notice these things and they make you sad means that there is hope. These things are the anomalies, they are not the norm anymore.”

I am not often speechless, but that was definitely one of the most impactful things anyone has ever said to me.

Went to “Europe’s largest second hand store”. It’s 4 storeys high and has a DDR section with clothes from East Germany. I found a really cute summer dress because HEAT. How in the hell am I going to get all this shit home?

Second Hand Rose

I just saw Nina Hagen. In Berlin. At Bertolt Brechts beautiful theater. Singing Brecht’s songs. With middle-aged Germans. Who loved her. I even understood a lot of the between song patter. (I did NOT get the jokes, though. Apparently she was hilarious.) It was amazing! This is even the outfit she wore.

Berlin, History, Personal Journal, Songs, Video

DSOB Symphonic Mob – Verdi’s ‘Va, pensiero’

Before coming on this trip, I developed an unrelated obsession with Verdi’s “Va, Pensiero”. I had it on perpetual loop once we got here, and then later learned that it had been adopted as a sort of anthem in East Germany about how they yearned to be reunited with their homeland. My computer finally blew up and I couldn’t do any work until I got a new power supply, so my flatmate and I went to the Tiergarten to bum around nature since it was a holiday and nothing was open. On the way back, I saw that the Mall of Berlin was busy and decided to stop and see if the Saturn was open (Saturn is like the German “Best Buy”.) It turned out they were having a “symphonic mob”… and the second they started playing I recognized it. I almost cried. Literally one of the most unreal and beautiful moments of my entire life.

RELATED: Urban Folklore: “Va, pensiero” and East Germany

Berlin, Personal Journal

Summary of Week 7: May 8th – May 14th

This week was dominated by a rather serious health crisis for my roommate, Elliott. He developed a very large abscess on his arm for reasons we still don’t understand. He ignored it for the better part of 6 days, even though I was begging him to have it looked at. We had to take him to the emergency room and have it surgically removed. I was rather annoyed to find out that he had neglected to get any kind of travelers insurance (even after I told him it was required) and had already spent all of his money (with a month left to go on our trip). I ended up having to spend the money allotted for my trip to Bavaria to pay for his hospital visit.

Note to hippies everywhere: if your philosophy is “hey man, it’s all good. the universe with provide”, in reality what you are saying is, “somebody will pay for me when it all crashes and burns, so I don’t have to actually try and be responsible up front and avoid the problem altogether.”

America about Germany: “Why didn’t the Germans stand up to Hitler? They are all guilty because they didn’t make a stand! If everyone had resisted, he wouldn’t have gained power”

America about America: “These people shouldn’t protest Trump, they are just giving him what he wants.”

Germany about America: “Seriously? SERIOUSLY?? *turns to Russia* Were they not watching before??”

Russia: *shrugs* “Don’t look at us. We’ve got Putin now.”

You know who keeps telling you protesting Trump is giving him what he wants? The Great All-Seeing Eye in your living room that wants you to go back to sleep, be it the television or your computer. This about standing up and showing your fellow Americans and the world that this is not something you want representing your country. This is about being able to sleep at night knowing you did not stay silent when a bully raised his fist. This is about telling all Americans who are Hispanic or Muslim or women or LGBTQ or African American or whatever other group this bastard has maligned that you will not stand idly by while monsters threaten to kill their families, round them up into ghettos, or simple legislate them into oblivion. This is not a drill people.

***
Elliott and I have decided we should put a personal ad in the Berlin Craigslist that reads: “Are you a human male? Do you enjoy shattering plastic with your mind like I do? If you are ready to receive my ovipositor, then respond to this mating cry at the correct frequency. We shall meet at the appointed coordinates for intoxicants and enfleshening.” Then if anyone replies, we will both meet them, and when they ask which one of us they were on a date with, we’ll say in unison, “WE ARE ONE. WE ARE ALL ONE IN THE EYES OF KRAVTOR.”

That awkward moment when you go shopping for summer clothes in Berlin because it’s going to be 80, and all you’ve bought so far is an ADORABLE little felted winter jacket that only reinforces that “hippie reject from The Sound of Music” look you’ve been working. Thank you, Deutschland.

I have just learned that there is a sketch comedy show on tv here in Germany called “Switch Reloaded” that has a reoccurring sketch called “Obersalzberg” that is like “The Office” but with Hitler and the Nazis.

I recant anything negative I have ever said about Germans not having a sense of humor. Between this, Flula Borg, and Bernd das Brot, I can honestly say that Germans are the most freakin’ hilarious people on the damn planet.

Dear Berlin, you can stop being 80 now, mmmkay? Signed, Person With Neurological Disease That Suffers Like a Malamute in a Hot Car in This Weather

I really want to go out exploring today, but its soooo hot and muggy and I don’t have proper clothing. And because Germans care more about the earth than heat stroke, AC isn’t a thing here (I know, not everyone has the problems I do with heat, but oh it’s so hard to function when your spinal cord is shorting out like a frayed extension cord)

Had to register for Fall quarter. Advanced German (my last class for my German minor), God, Forgiveness, and SciFi, and hopefully Anthropology of Sex and Gender (it’s a “majors only” class and it’s my second minor). Was super bored earlier and made this video, then the door buzzer rang and in waltzed Ben Kohn in all his mirthful splendor. I’m glad he did, because I had forgotten I needed to register today. Also, I really want cake.

Well, now I know what the German ER is like. And no, it wasn’t me for once.

Elliott is in the hospital. He had a wound on his arm and it became an abscess. He has to have surgery and stay over night in the hospital and will require lots of after care. Also important to note, do NOT travel overseas without getting travelers health insurance. You will have to pay out of pocket for everything. Health care is NOT free to non-citizens.

One of the worst things about taking Prednisone is that it makes you sweat. A lot. As in, stupid amounts. It’s been in the low 80s here in Berlin, and while others are walking around in jackets and sweaters, I have been sporting trashy tank tops and still sweating like a swine. I went to get groceries today and they don’t use air conditioning in the stores here. As I was checking out, I was sweating so badly it was running down my face and neck and dripping onto the conveyor belt. I felt so gross and embarrassed, especially since I have lost so much weight in the last 9 months and NOW I start sweating like a sideshow fat lady. In other news, I can now walk up to 3-5 miles a day without any trouble. This Berlin Boot Camp, the best weight loss program on earth.

Elliott had to go back to the hospital to have his bandaged changed, so I am alone this evening. I have the windows open, and the way the acoustics work here in the Panopticon it funnels all the noise from the street cafes out front right into our courtyard. I can here a group of Germans having a blast drinking and laughing and carousing. I wish I was the sort of person who could just approach people and make friends, but years of being reminded how “off-putting” I can be makes me totally gunshy about initiating contact. Even *I* find me abrasive. Oh well, I have TONS of work to do anyway.

Me: *listening to music and writing my analysis of folklore and WWII for class. Specifically I am discussing this image of a dead German soldier lying in the street during the Battle of Berlin while Russian soldiers rush past him in a blur. He’s so young and dreadfully still, the Russians are so frenzied, moving on to the next victory*
Google Music: o hai by the way, here’s Samuel Barber’s “Adagio for Strings” k thnx bi!
Me: NOT. ENOUGH. FUCKING. TEARS.

A German soldier lies dead in the street as troops rush forward. Taken from The Daily Mail, copyright Getty Images.
A German soldier lies dead in the street as troops rush forward. Taken from The Daily Mail, copyright Getty Images.

I am going through my website for school and finally filling out descriptions and information on all the pictures I have been posting. I think my last week here is going to be me grabbing ahold of things and crying while people try to pry me off them. “NOOOO! I won’t leave you, Alexanderplatz! You can’t make me!!!!” I’m even going to miss the weird way cleaning products smell. Sigh.

Personal Journal, Pop Culture

Pop Culture: Bernd das Brot

Our first night in Berlin, we came across a surreal program with an oddly shaped, brown rectangular puppet.  THis was my first introduction to “Bernd das Brot” or “Bernd the Bread”. according to Wikipedia:

Bernd is a depressed, grumpy, curmudgeonly, constantly bad-tempered, surly, fatalistic, melancholic loaf of pullman bread speaking in a deep, gloomy baritone. He is small, rectangular and golden brown with hands directly attached to his body, eyes circles and a thin-lipped mouth. According to himself, he belongs to the species “Homo Brotus Depressivus”. His favourite activities include staring at his south wall at home, learning the pattern of his woodchip wallpaper by heart, reading his favourite magazine The Desert and You, and enlarging his collection of the most boring railway tracks on video. Bernd sympathizes firstly with himself. His favorite expression is Mist!, used in much the same way as the English “crap”. His other favorite sentences are: “I would like to be left alone,” “I would like to leave this show,” and “My life is hell.”

Since then, Bernd has become my favorite thing in Germany. His morose nature and constant mistreatment made me feel better about my misfortunes on my trip. I have been trying to find some little piece of Bernd memorabilia to bring home, but haven’t found any yet.

His take on German history is something to behold, and his version of WWII is incredible.