Category Archives: Personal Journal
Personal Journal: Müsli
Ugh. I still cannot sleep. I keep waking up around 1am and then just sort of troll around the apartment with nothing to do until dawn. No internet, no phone, no tv, no books. I don’t even have any games on my phone. I found the Nibenlungenlied audio book on my computer, so at least I can get started on that. So I am sitting here at 5am, eating müsli with apples and vanilla soy milk, orange slices, peanut butter „toast“ (we don’t have a toaster, so I have to fry it in a frying pan) and peppermint tea, listening to the adventures of Siegfried.
Hoping today to go to the Tiergarten if the weather is nice. I don’t know what the train schedule is like on Sundays, but there is no way I can walk that far with these blisters.
Der Spülengeist is officially named Vladimir.
Ugh. I officially have a nasty case of „ballerina feet“. Blisters everywhere, bruised toenails, you name it. I even developed a blister under one of my nails. Don’t ask how I discovered this. Let’s just say I need to minimize the walking today. My legs are holding up admirably so far. Knock wood. It’s another beautiful sunny day, and I do want to capitalize on that before the notorious Berlin gloom returns.
Went to the Brandenberg Gate and the Tiergarten today. My feet are officially screwed, just a mass of blisters and raw spots. We took the U-Bahn to Alexanderplatz, and then tried to take the train to the Hauptbahnhof, but couldn’t find it. Had to go to the information booth, which was this weird fish bowl with a portal window the woman had to open to talk to me. While we were on the train, 2 guys got on with trumpets and started playing „When the Saints go Marching In“ and singing in thick accents while panhandling. This town might be weirder than LA. Saw the Holocaust Memorial. The monument itself is amazing, but the tourists were dreadful and treated it like a playground. There was a security guard there whose only job seemed to be to bark „HALLO! GET DOWN!“ at people climbing on the stone slabs. We decided that we want to sample him saying that and turn it into a dance track.
I have the Nina Hagen song „New York New York“ stuck in my head but instead of saying „we are going to another disco, disco after disco“ I keep thinking „we are going to another denkmal, denkmal after denkmal“ So many memorials, statues, and monuments for one city. I have decided the reason I love this city is because she is basically me. She’s old as hell and she’s seen some shit in her day. And then there was that whole goth phase…
Vlog: Berlin – Day 4
Summary of Week 1: March 27th – April 2nd
Week 1 started off badly, with us stranded on our first night in Berlin with nowhere to stay. We sorted out the misunderstanding, but Berlin and I got off on the wrong foot. Rather than try to conceal my culture shock, loneliness, and fear behind a veil of “cool”, I decided to make video blogs to give me a free place to wallow and expose how vulnerable I felt. This actually was very therapeutic, because it enabled me to feel safe in exploring the city, knowing that if the experience was less than positive I could always laugh about it later in my own “comedy of misery” style. I think that if I had not given voice to these feelings of disorientation I would have ended up paralyzed by fear. I think I took for granted how hard it was going to be to be a 45 year old woman with multiple disabilities to be separated from her husband and family for 12 weeks.
Personal Journal: Ostalgia
There is a word in German for missing a place you’ve never been. It is used to mean you have a desire for travel, to see new places. Instead, I seem to be having a sort of nostalgia for a place and time I have never seen. Growing up during the Cold War, my uncle was stationed here in the 70s. Everywhere I go here has this weird feeling like I miss something, or that it reminds me of my childhood somehow. Everything is so familiar and yet so alien.
I am having difficulty sleeping. Of course, part of that might be the neighbor who decided to dump a years worth of recycling down the stairs at 3:30 this morning, or whatever happened. Ah, life in the big city, how I missed you. Everything is so quiet around here that when people do make a big ruckus it really stands out. Today I am going to go out into the city by myself and try and track down a kitchen knife and a can opener, as well as some groceries for tomorrow. Everything is closed on Sundays and I want to be prepared.
Went grocery shopping by myself today. I fared well, I just turn on my “city walk” I learned in LA and nobody messes with me. I don’t know why I am surprised every time someone assumes I am German. I guess I think I stick out like a sore thumb, screaming “big fat American chick” everywhere I go. In Germany, yogurt is a thing, and the selection is intimidating. They even had marzipan flavored yogurt. Shopping took forever because I had to try and figure out what I was looking at. They have McDonalds brand ketchup in bottles here. McDonalds is a thing as well, there seem to be everywhere. I almost died laughing when I saw there was an “American Food” section at the store, similar to the “Asian Food” section back home. It wasn’t that it existed as much as what it contained. Cholula hot sauce and peanut butter were the 2 that stood out.
I miss my Soda Stream. The water here tastes like a gopher died in it, was resurrected, and killed again for good measure. Everyone drinks mineral water, but it gets pricey. I have tried to switch to tea as much as I can, but I just can’t get behind it.
Both Elliott and I are fairly convinced our apartment is haunted. Seriously. Last night we both had an occasion where we were certain the other one had come in to the other’s room, only to find there was no one there. Elliott even had a short conversation with “me” before it dawned on him I wasn’t there. So far, these things only seem to happen in the wee, dark hours of the morning. Regardless of how insane this might sound, it is interesting.
Still haven’t made eye contact with a dog yet.
Washing machine continues to be a mystery, and my clothes are piling up. Perhaps the ghost is the spirit of the washing machine letting me know it has passed on? Now I am picturing The Water Gopher and the Spülengeist floating and glowing like Yoda and Obi Wan.
I just wanted to add that I have never felt so cool in my life as I do waiting for the U-Bahn.